Thursday, August 3, 2006

My Sisters and Their Boyfriends...or Should I Say Fiance?

We had always been close family friends and there were four of us and four of them. While my parents had 3 girls and one boy, they had 2 boys and 2 girls. We went to the same church, their youngest two were close to our middle two as they were close in age. We called the older two "Broda and Sister."

Lets skip to March 2002: In an unprecedented and unexpected but sad manner, the younger son dies at age 21. We are all hurt and their family is devasted. My immediate older sister "Sade" goes over to console her close friend "Tinu" who happens to be the youngest in the family and the closest to the deceased. About 2-3 weeks later, the discerning sister that I am, I begin to guess Sade and "Broda" seemed like they were hitting it off. I asked Sade but she said I was imagining things that there was no were she was interested in a guy 9 years older than her. Ok now, I kept my cool...but I opened my eyes wider. Next thing tongues were wagging in our circle of friends and my sister admitted that they had indeed hit it off!

Needless to say, I felt betrayed by my sister. Why did she deny it in the first place? We were supposed to be serious paddies. She ended up telling my mom about it before she admitted to me...we were not even that close to our mom...we are closer to our dad! The biggest shock: My mom supported it! Thinking about it now I am getting upset again! My mom was extremely strict bringing us up and I could not understand why should would support this "thing" between her 18-year old and the 27-year-old broda.

Then it began to make sense to me. Mom was happy that Sade was going to date someone before leaving Nigeria so that her chances of marrying an Oyinbo would be reduced. Sade and I were due to leave Naija for the states come August so I decided I would try to bear those 4 months in good stride. Of course my relationship with my sister suffered a lot, and I was supset with my mom for taking on the role of the chairperson of the relationship. If you know my mom, you would be suprised too. She would talk about him a lot and even mentioned them getting married or doing introduction before Sade's departure. Of course in all of this no one asked for my opinion, they knew I was upset but I guess they didnt think I was old enough to have something good to say. Gosh I hate that!

Why was I so against their relationship you may ask? Let me tell you:
To begin with, love started to catch them barely 2-3 weeks after his younger brother died. The cynic in me does not believe that there was enough time between broda's bereavement and the time that love came down. The fact that they fell for each other at a time that broda was very vulnerable makes me think that all he wanted was a shoulder to cry on which Sade readily provided. By her 19th birthday in June, they had agreed to get married. Then my doubts increased..

How can you date a guy for 3 months and agree to marry him knowing fully well that you have less than 2 months left in the country? What kind of 27-year old would agree to this kind of arrangement? Your relationship is too young for this kind of committment! Am I the only one in this freaking house that is actually thinking about this? Then I began to think he just wanted to use her since he knew she was coming to the US. My family is in the middle-class and I dont mean to sound arrogant but his family has had financial difficulty. O well...with all that drama going on I couldnt wait to leave Naija jare.Of course my relationship with the guy had deteriorated. I said hello cos my mom commanded me to do so. I was soo close to slapping his younger sister who was trying to get info from me about my feelings about their relationship. Of course she was being an hypocrite...

Anyhow we left naija in 2002 and they started communication via e-mail and phone calls. In the meantime my mom helped him secure a job. The job is ok but I dont think he can take care of my sister on his salary. My sister is one that demands pampering. As for me I was born a hustler but my sister was born buttered! She is older than I am but I used to do everything for her...I even won her the visa lottery! Yes o VISA LOTTERY.
So 2 years ago I was applying for the lottery now and my lazy sister took the pain to mail me her passport photo so I could apply for her. Nothing was stopping her from applying herself o. she is in the same America that I am in. Anyways I applied for her and I was the one that got the letter saying that she won the lottery o. I was soooo happy for her cos I never really believed in that thing. Na so she became a permanent resident LIKE THAT. When that one happened my fear doubled. Ah...broda will now start "loving' her more so she will bring him to America. Anyway, its 2006 and they are still going strong o. They havent seen each other since August 2002 but they are still together and for that I have to give them credit.

But then I wonder.....will it work? She is going home in December to see if she is still feeling him in person. God knows I only want the best for my sister. After years of being upset...I realize its not up to me. I have said what I can...I have gotten over my anger but I am still very concerned. Do you think I am being paranoid or do you think my fear is understandable. I cant do much but to look up to God and say "Thy will be done."



Bijouxoxo said...

I'll comment properly tomorrow. I have to read and digest all the info first.

NaijaBloke said...

Hmmm... the only 1 kobo wey me I get for u sista na say,make u back up and trying to desuade ur sister from trying to be with broda o,reason cos if eventually broda make am and everything work out and broda finally marry ur sister,u might be labelled the one trying to split them apart o and the broda might even turn ur sister against u,cos I bet ur sister tells him everything u tell ur sister abt him.

Am talking from experience,cos I have a friend that this actually happened to and at the end of the day the day his brother got married to the chic he was desuading his brother from and the chic is turning his brother against him now o.

All I could say is just try and support ur sister and try not to say anything against the broda o.

Nice blog and welcome to blogcity o.

SapphireAster said...

Thanks NaijaBloke,
I have leaned back for a while now and my sis even feels comfortable talking about him with me.
I realized that ultimately people make their own decisions plus I dont want to be labelled the hater o.

Biodun said...

Wow, they haven't seen each other since 2002, now that is long. All I can say that u pray for your sista 4 God 2 help her make the right decision. Since she is going home in december, she should b able to sort out things then n I hope everything turns out well

NaijaBloke said...

Aunty abeg wetin happen to ya compura ...update abeg !!!

SapphireAster said...

my compura is fine fingers have however been on vacation. At least they managed to do a lil bit..will write more at work!

Belle said...

i think this actually happens alot. I know someone who hasnt seen her guy in nigeria in over 5 years, but they are getting married in a few months when he gets here...nuts eh?

SapphireAster said...

definitely nuts! Unless we are missing something....

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